He That Hath An EAR!!!!

Since the passing of my mom I have learned that NOW I have to be keen as to what I hear in my EAR and my Spirit .. I say that because there are times when grief overtakes me and the enemy begins his attack(s) so I have to really stay focused on the WORD and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to me ... now I've always done that BUT it seems I have to really make an "EFFORT" this time to do that. Last night I went to a revival service and something just struck me while listening to the evangelist. Do we LISTEN or do we go with the flow of the atmosphere??? I keep soo much bottled up inside because there are times when I think "I" am strange and I wonder if people hear the same thing(s) I hear or do they see the same thing(s) I see or is there something wrong with me... So many many years ago .. when I really wasn't hungry for God .. and I"m just keeping it real. We went to church because my mom and my aunt made sure we went EVERY SUNDAY and were on time so it was just the thing to do but during the time when I was maybe 18 a dear friend invited me to her church. She would minister to me a lot at work and I would just say ok and keep going. So this one night I decided to go. At that time spiritually I was so unsatisfied but didn't know it at the time and there was this evangelist who was ministering in the spirit. I didn't understand it at that time but I was drawn to that anointing as I now know it. He would stop at certain people and begin ministering to them and my first thought was, PLEASE DON'T LET THIS MAN STOP AT ME, because my life was just in shambles at that time and the way he was ministering to people, I just didn't want or need that right then, BUT you know he did. The only difference with me was he called me out so to speak. He didn't minister to me in my spot where I sat like he did the others, he had me come out of my seat to him and I was thinking GREAT, HE WOULD MAKE ME COME TO HIM.. but when he did he began to minister regarding the anointing and the call on my life and the realness of God in ME and how God was going to satisfy my hunger for HIM because I craved God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit .. I needed to know THEM...I never told anyone that except when I would talk to God so I knew God was using this man to speak to ME ... He spoke of this powerful anointing on my life. He spoke of the abuse I went through as a child without it being "obvious" to others. As he ministered the tears began to flow down my face as I listened to this man minister to a part of me that was broken ... wounded ... misunderstood .... afraid ... angry .... He spoke of this poweful yet strange anointing God had placed on me and my life and it was so powerful even he could hardly stand it, and I"m thinking again, YEAH RIGHT .. and one day it would all make sense to me .. He then gently placed his finger on my forehead and I dropped to the floor and there I layed for seems like hours ... I had taken my cousin with me and she said my face had turned pure white and she said if she didn't see it she wouldn't believe it but it seemed as if someone had gotten next to me and was talking to me ... it just blew her mind ... Wow .. Why did I go there?? Guess I'm rambling ...